Age

How old would you be if you did not know how old you are?

- Satchel Paige

Answer this and tell me why.  I'll answer in my next post.

On love.

Sometimes I think that we don't really know what love is or how it feels until you love someone who either never loved you back, or gave up on loving you.  Of course I am probably biased because that is what I am going through right now.

I catch myself constantly wishing and hoping he'd just love me again.  But I know deep down that it's not how it should be.  Love is easy; it's the relationship that is hard.  We sometimes confuse the two and falsely call it quits. But love?  True to the bone, deep seeded unmistakable love is a quiet, easy, never ending flow.  It doesn't just come and go.  I believe we can never fall out of a true love.  We might become so hurt and betrayed that the love becomes dull and pointless, but it will always be with you.

We all go through it, right?  It's so defeating and it shatters every bit of you into tiny little pieces.

He left me suddenly and surprisingly simply because he just did not love me anymore.  This leads me to believe he never truly loved me.  So I don't know what is worse, being in love with someone who stopped loving me, or being in love with someone who never actually loved me at all.

I just need to stop trying to hang on.  But moving on means saying goodbye, and goodbyes SUCK.  They fucking suck.

Well THAT took a sour turn.  But seriously... life just blows right now and no one is here to let me snot all over their shirt while I cry on their shoulder.

I am a sincere, friendly doer of good things.  I hand out pieces of my heart to those who have no love.  I open my home and my arms to those who need a place to rest and a hug.  I am single mother who works hard for the little amount of things that I have.  I teach my son right from wrong.  I go to work, come home and cook him dinner, and put him to bed.  I follow the law and I believe in the Lord.

I also have no friends.  I live in Louisiana and my entire family and support system lives in New York.  I am in the divorce/custody battle of my life.  I have no one around me that I can count on.  I am alone, heart broken, and struggling.

This blog will document my life as I search for friends, love and happiness for myself.  I have a soft shell.  I wear my heart on my sleeve and the smile on my face is convincing and warm.  But there is a beast inside of me.  I need a place to vent and let the beast talk.  I'm not much of a writer but I can talk.  I have so much to say and no one to say it to.  So here I am. Will you listen?